Alexandria
by superfelix
Summary: Post Loyalty – Alex POV – Bobby is on a secret mission of truth and there is only a sparse one way correspondence between the old partners. What happened to Alex in the weeks and months after the hug? Where will they meet again and what had changed?
1. Prologue

**Thanks so much Suzanne and Susan for helping me with my big Post Loyalty project.**

**Title: **Alexandria

**Flavour:** Criminal Intent

**Characters: **Alexandra Eames/Robert Goren + a tiny little bit Mike Logan and Elizabeth Rodgers.

**Rating:** T

**Word Count:** around 19 500

**Synopsis:** Post Loyalty – Alex POV – Bobby is on a secret mission of truth and there is only a sparse one way correspondence between the old partners. What happened to Alex in the weeks and months after the hug? Where will they meet again and what changed?

**A/N:**

That's my big Post Loyalty project.

As I started Alexandria back in June 2010 I never had expected that there will be so many changes in North Africa and the Middle East. I'm overwhelmed by the courage of the people to fight for more rights. But my story played in winter/spring 2009/2010.

If you like to read and watch the more interactive version switch to my LJ for a title cover a floor plan, many pictures and much more.

**Disclaimer: **I earn no money from this thing, nor do I profit in any other way from it. Involved persons are only borrowed and always go back to their owner.

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**~Alexandria~

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**

**Prologue**

'Please meet me in YOUR city – 4/29'

I stared at the six words and the date, displaying the day after tomorrow for the thousandth time. I still felt the nervous excitement like a butterfly buzzing in my belly. Turning the postcard to the picture side, my gaze wandered over the modern white architecture in the photo. On the water side the cylindrical concrete building penetrated the blue surface and the aluminum platform roof reflected the Mediterranean sky in the crooked glass. My eyes were caught by the letters 'Six…one of six' which were written in a corner of the picture. I felt the urge to touch the blue characters, to touch his letter, the only bond between us.

Flight SQ 25 to Frankfurt, International Airport now boarding at Gate 4 droned a clinical female voice from the speakers. I reached for my well packed shoulder bag. Carefully I pocketed his card in my sweater. I'd given Liz my warm coat, before I left her car. I wouldn't need it for the next few days.

As I passed a stewardess my boarding pass and passport, my fingertips pushed slightly against the card. I knew every detail on it, the text, the picture, the address and the post mark: بور سودان Būr Sūdān 04-14-10.

This is the last call for Frankfurt Flight SQ 25, now boarding at Gate 4.

I was starting my 20 hour travel into the unknown. I was so excited. Would I meet him again? How would it be after five months of one-way correspondence? I couldn't believe that I had really fallen in love, fallen in love with someone I had known so long and so well.


	2. Monday November, 23rd

**Chapter:** 1

**Word Count:** 676

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**Five months earlier – Monday November, 23****rd**

I parked my leased car behind Bobby's anthracite Mustang in front of my house. I'd met my sister and her family in Hoboken over the weekend and had been looking for a shoulder to cry on most of the time. I'd explained my new situation to her and begged for support when I would tell our dad everything. Taking a deep breath, I still couldn't imagine trying to explain to him that I had left my police career after sixteen successful years. But four years shy of: 20 years of service – one-half salary, a special retirement regulation of the NYPD. But I couldn't go on, wouldn't stay in that club which had forced me to fire the best cop they ever had. Even if their prize had been so sweet.

Leading my own police department, heading the Major Case Squad was now a dream which never would come true. I was sad, angry, disappointed, desperate and much more. Just a week and a day, I'd quit and then? No idea! November 30th will be my last day on duty.

I climbed out of the SUV, wrapping myself deeper in the winter coat. I looked for Bobby, shielding my eyes from the rising sun. My partner - ex-partner I corrected myself - perched on the weather-beaten stool on my porch. He looked frozen to death sitting between the white frosted, shriveled leaves which I'd been meaning to brush away for days. How long had he been waiting for me? I reached unconsciously for my cell phone and checked the display. Three missed calls. I bit my lips guiltily and ran the last steps to my front door, my coat fluttering in the cold wind.

"Sorry I missed your calls Goren, I was driving."

"I know, Eames," Bobby nodded, and rose.

"Come in and get warm." I searched for my keys and opened the door. "Why didn't you wait in your car?"

"Uhm…" Bobby deflected, and followed me inside, carrying a nearly bursting traveling bag in his hands, which I hadn't noticed before. "I just have a few minutes left, Eames." He paced between my kitchen and the living room with his familiar slight limping, his coat waving behind – the personified tarnished black knight. Then he absently stepped into my bedroom and turned startled, his left hand in his neck as he realized where he was.

"Eames…Alex," Bobby started, and placed his bag on my kitchen counter. "I have to go." I was shocked. "No, not forever," he added quickly, as he saw my face. "You know, the Captain…the whole shit," Bobby searched for something in his bag. "I have to find out more. I owe it to him. You understand?" I shook my head, but sighed affirmatively.

"Here are the spare keys to my apartment and car." He passed me the metallic items. I took them perplexed and jumped as a loud car horn sounded outside.

"That's Lewis. He's driving me to the airport."

"Airport, but, Bobby…where?"

"Eames, I can't tell you. It's too dangerous." I rolled my eyes. "I knew you would hate that answer." He opened the door again and I could see Bobby's friend sitting in his black Impala. The engine of the muscle car was smoothly rumbling while he was waiting. "Please check my mail and water my plants," Bobby called over his shoulder. But seeing my worried face he turned around and stepped back toward me. "When I left the captain's office at Major Case, I promised to be around." I nodded. "I don't plan to break that promise, Alex. I'll be around," he whispered, and pressed his soft lips against my cheek. He hadn't done this in ten years and now he was kissing me for the second time in four days. In his eyes I saw that he was speaking the truth. I was still so confused that I felt no angst or worry as I watched Bobby getting in Lewis's old-timer and pull away from me. The angst and worry would come later.


	3. Wednesday December, 2nd

**Chapter:** 2

**Word Count:** 489

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**One week later – Wednesday December, 2****nd**

I slowed Bobby's purring 1965 four-wheeled love at a red traffic light. My gaze wandered from the pedestrians to the passenger's seat. I blinked a few times. It was true. My fingertips felt the smooth leather of his binder. He'd really left his most personal item behind. He really was gone.

It had been a big shock for me as I had entered Bobby's home an hour ago and found his apartment empty, his scent still lingering in the air. Until that I had thought it was just a bad joke that Goren hadn't answered any of my calls over the past nine days. I had tried to reach him numerous times from work and from home.

I had entered his tidy kitchen. Gone were all the signs of Bobby's private investigations into Loftin, Van Dekker and Milgram which had been scattered on walls and tables. I had to sit down, his open and empty binder in front of me on the table – on the top page of the notepad was a short letter to me.

_Dear Eames,_

_sorry for my hastiness and not cluing you into my plans. If I had, you would have tried everything to change my mind and then I don't know if I could have been so strong. But I brooded all Saturday about the Captain, the FBI, your termination and my firing._

_Maybe I acted too quickly, but as I ordered my tickets and made plans for the first steps my heart and mind calmed. I did the right thing._

_Please water my plants and check my mail box. I leave my Mustang in your hands because I don't trust Lewis…_

_I'll be back as soon as possible. Hopefully finding the answers I need. __I promise to take care._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Bobby_

I'd fumed because Bobby had the time to write these words, but I still didn't know what he planned and to where he'd disappeared. It was dissatisfying to be peeved at him with no opportunity to argue. It was just shitty to quarrel with an empty wall.

A blast from the car horn behind me broke my thoughts and urged me to drive on.

I had been invited to lunch by Frieda Morton at the FBI. The news that I was looking for a new job had moved faster than light. But it felt great to be wanted. I was really excited about the offer from Agent Morton, but I also had sad and desperate feelings about the Bureau. I didn't know how I would react if I ran into Agent Stahl again. I didn't feel like working for the FBI and I planned to be short-spoken to Ms Morton. The offer needed to be very inviting to change my mind. The Bureau was not my only option. I had a meeting scheduled with the director of the Security Director of Paladin Dynamics on Monday.


	4. Monday December, 28th

**Chapter:** 3

**Word Count:** 1443

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**Christmas – Monday December, 28****th**

It had become a weekly routine to check Goren's home, but this Monday was different. I was sad as I entered his empty apartment. I knew he wouldn't be here and I missed him, missed our yearly Christmas ritual. I missed our promises not to buy gifts and in the end each of us bought a little something for the other one.

Even this year I'd organize a little gift for Bobby. I had bought a simple silver - but in my eyes beautiful - tie clip. I had been astonished to see Bobby back in a suit and tie during our last case. I wanted to honor his transformation with this little item to show how much I liked the return. I reached into my shoulder bag and placed the specially wrapped gift beside his collected letters.

The last weeks had been hard. It was terrible not to know where Bobby was, but at least I knew he was alive. Okay, I knew he was alive as he'd changed planes at Heathrow. In early December I had received a post card with new assurances that he'd be careful on his mission.

I gave the dying rubber tree water. Dear, that was the only plant in the whole apartment. We'd often made jokes about it. The polypetalous plant was the only living thing Bobby had a close longtime relationship with, but their time together had been a roller coaster. The ficus fought for survival from Day One in Bobby's home. I had tears in my eyes as I dusted the petals. I had given Bobby that plant for our first Christmas. Was asking me to water the plant just an excuse for Goren? Did he want to let me know something? If so I wasn't getting it.

I inspected Bobby's sparse mail and sorted out the junk mail. I found a third letter from a New York State Sherriff's Office – this time Chester County. I laid it with the other official looking envelops from different government agencies. Job offers - I grinned. When Bobby was back in the city, he'd have his pick of jobs. I heard the letter box clacker just as I was about to leave the apartment. The postman brought something new. I went out to get the post. It was just one letter in a simple white envelope, but instead of Bobby's name in the addressee line was _Alexandra c/o Goren_ written in my partner's handwriting.

I quickly turned the letter over, but there was no sender. Back in the safety of Bobby's locked home, I opened the mailer.

_Merry Christmas little sis December, 20__th_

_I'm sad that we can't celebrate the holidays together, this year. I know this is totally my fault._

_Let me say, that I arrived safely at my destination and even in the short time I've been here, I've managed to find a lot of information. I hope I can come back soon._

_I miss you,_

_Bobby._

_P.S. look at my night table. There is my Christmas gift for you._

I stared at Bobby's words and re-read them more than twice, as I leaned against his apartment door. Little sis. I rolled my eyes, but between this and not sending the letter to my address… Maybe Bobby hadn't been alone as he wrote these lines. Did he not want me involved in his doings?

I pushed off the door and scanned the envelope closely. But I couldn't identify the post mark. Then I walked slowly from the small hall through the living room into Bobby's bedroom. I had never been in his bedroom before. It was a strange feeling to break into Bobby's realm. I pressed down the handle and the door swung soundlessly inward. I leaned against the frame and peeked carefully around. The small room was dominated by the king size bed. The covers and sheets were pulled taut and tucked beneath the mattress. I asked me amusedly how long ago Bobby had left the Army. Beside the bed there were only two floor to ceiling bookshelves and his closet. Straight lines, simplicity, but not cold or uncomfortable. I had expected something different from my partner, but I liked his taste.

I went to the night stand and found an old booklet with a black worn leather binding. I opened it at the first page and read: Frances Goren 1960-1970. I leafed through the yellowed pages filled with a beautiful handwriting. I couldn't believe it. This was the diary of Bobby's mom. I was overwhelmed that he trusted me enough to share her private thoughts with me. I had to sit down as the significance of that honor dawned on me.

Speechless I pressed the little book against my chest and choked back the welling tears. "Where are you, Bobby?" I whispered into the silence. "And how are you doing?"

I opened the diary again. It flipped open at the page where Bobby had stopped reading – August '61. I smiled – the time of Bobby's birth. I knew that he had been the last person reading his mom's diary because I found the wooden bookmark burned with his initials which I had given him at Christmas in 2005 or 2006. A one inch strip at the end of the bleached wood was scratched and told from use. I had never seen Bobby using the bookmark at work. He must have used it only for personal books, for many private readings.

My right index finger ran slowly up and down the carving. Bobby showed so much attention. I had to blow my nose because I was moved to tears.

My thoughts ran back to yesterday. Brian wanted to barter the romantic picnic basket I had purchase for him for a golf club. I had been furious and boiled when he had said he needed the receipt for the exclusive wicker basket so he could return it to the store. I had planned the perfect gift for my boyfriend for over a month and now he wanted to exchange it for a golf club, something only he would be able to use. I didn't play golf, I had never gone with him to the course and I didn't plan to change that in the future. Beside the filigree plates and cups in the basket, I had added a few very personal gift coupons, like one shoulder massage, a shared bubble bath, a home-cooked dinner and much more. Moreover, I had contacted an old school friend, Ronny who worked at the botanical garden. I had persuaded him to open one of the palm houses in the garden one night in January, so Brian and I could give the picnic basket a test drive during the winter.

But no, my boyfriend wanted a new nine iron more. How long I could endure that relationship? I rubbed my shoulder because the bra Brian had given me for Christmas didn't fit. The combination of panties and bra was vulgar and neither my size nor my color, but I wore the lingerie to please Brian.

Where had my boyfriend disappeared - that strong support during my unstable and difficult time with Bobby? Brian had helped and encouraged me over the last 18 months during the mess surrounding Gage, Wallace and Brady. He had been the one I could lean on after a hard day of work and during Bobby's healing process. We had had so much fun together and now…now everything was so complicated and felt so wrong.

**Later that night**

Tears moistened my face. Brian had given back my gift. Did he really think that I would spend the night in his bed after that? After visiting Bobby's home I had driven to Brian's apartment in Manhattan. We had had a big argument, I still felt it in my bones. In the end I had thrown the ugly bra and panties in his smug face. It wasn't the first time that I thought I was there just to warm his bed and to satisfy his sexual needs…boring and clumsy sexual needs. Brian didn't want a partner. He wanted someone to organize his private life, a woman for home and children and I wasn't such a woman. Of course to have your own kids would be wonderful and I was so thankful for the experiences I had with the surrogate pregnancy of my nephew, but my biological clock was ticking and I knew deep inside that Brian wasn't the right one to start a family with.

I snuggled deeper in my blanket. I reached for the little black diary and opened it. August '61 would soothe me.


	5. Tuesday January, 19th

**Chapter:** 4

**Word Count:** 1417

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**2010 – Tuesday January, 19****th**

I closed the garage and rushed through the dancing snowflakes to my front door. The ringing of my phone was welcoming me.

Why did the keys always hide at the bottom of the shoulder bag, fall out of my hands and not fit into the lock, when I was in a hurry?

The caller could be Bobby. Today I'd found a new letter addressed to me in his letterbox, but I hadn't had a chance to read it, yet. The door swung open and I sprinted to the phone. With my left hand I freed the blue airmail envelope out of my bag and reached with my right hand for the receiver.

"Hey," I panted.

"Eames?"

"Logan?"

"Yeah!"

"How are you doing?" I said a bit disappointed, and peeled out of my coat.

"Fine…and you?"

"Okay." I sat down and nibbled at the itchy band-aid in the crook of my arm.

"Why I'm calling. I heard last week that you had left NYPD and OnePP."

"Right, back in December…after," I choked at sudden tears because Danny's face rose up before my eyes. I unconsciously fingered my coat lapel. My fingers brushed the yellow pin Dr. Rodgers had given me at his funeral.

"Yes, poor Ross," Mike cleared his throat and we felt silent. I gulped audibly and wiped the single tear from my cheek.

"Have you found something new?"

"About the captain's case?" I asked, puzzled.

"No, I mean a new job?"

I smiled and shook my head, starting to coil my ring finger around the telephone cord.

Mike continued, "Because I'll have a job vacancy in my agency in March. I need good co-workers to expand."

"Is that a job offer, Logan?" I laughed quietly, a little flattered.

"Long hours, lousy pay, I offer you the same as NYPD." I could see Mike's unique grin.

"Sorry, you're too late. I start my new job the first of February."

"Oh," I heard Mike's disappointment. "And who caught you? Homeland, DEA, NSA or the US Marshals?"

"You are good. Yes, they all knocked on my door, but in the end I decide for the ATF. I'll work as an industry operations investigator."

"Uh…?" Logan ran out of arguments, but picked up courage the next moment. "I knew you would never choose a private company."

"Right, we're a family of public servants. I can't escape."

Mike laughed heartily. "Okay, never mind. I hope you'll have success in your new work."

"Thanks, Logan."

"But you would have much more fun in my business."

"I know Mike and I'll recollect your words when the ATF isn't nice to me." I joked playfully.

"Eames, do you know how to reach Goren? I tried to call him a few times..." _I wish I did. _"Oh, sorry sweetie, someone is knocking here. We should meet for a beer. Better sooner than later…bye." I heard loud noises on the other end and then a click.

"Bye," I said into the dead line, and rolled my eyes.

_Do you know where Goren is?_ My fingertips brushed over the closed envelope. It was thicker this time but I couldn't read the postmark again and the postage stamp was in Arabic characters. Not to mention that Bobby hadn't added a return address. I propped the letter against the telephone and hung up my coat in the wardrobe.

I shuffled back to my phone and ripped off the bandage. I sat down, starring at the envelope. Bobby had written the address – again _Alexandra c/o Goren_. I recognize his hand writing. I reached for the letter opener.

No sister in the salutation, just a simple Alex. My lips curled to a smile.

I unfolded the sheets and flattened them as the phone rang again.

I picked up the receiver. "Okay Mike, Friday at eight at The Finest."

"Who is Mike?" I heard Brian's annoyed voice, his tone the same as it had been for weeks and my smile froze. I sighed and rubbed my tired eyes.

"Just a former colleague who wants to meet for drinks."

"I told you I arranged for you to meet my boss on Friday. You have to listen to his offer." I counted silently from ten to zero.

"And I told you, I won't join B&C Industries as security consultant." I scratched at the needle puncture. "Today I took the drug test."

"Drug test?" His voice tumbled.

"Brian, I told you a thousand times. In two weeks I start my job at the ATF. Everything is set. I signed the contract." I paced back and forth as much as the phone cord allowed.

"But Alex, B&C will pay you so much more."

"But…why do you never listen?" I sighed, and started to tremble. "I've explained to you numerous times all my arguments against B&C and why I'm choosing another civil service. I can't just be a number in a big business, even when the monthly check would be immense. I've seen so many good cops who failed…" _Stash!_

"Damn, Alex. What should I tell Mr. Rosenkrantz? I agreed for you."

"Do you hear yourself? You agreed for me. So get yourself out of this mess." My voice was as sharp as a knife.

He rang off without saying good bye. I moaned exhaustedly, and my shoulders slumped. I slipped down onto my couch and curled under a quilt into a ball. I couldn't stand this relationship…this farce of a relationship any longer. I sobbed a few times and as my tears dried on my cheeks I reached for Bobby's lines.

_Alex, January, 11__th_

_I miss you…_

_The desert-sky is endless in the night. The million sparkling stars draw your picture into the night sky and refuse to let me sleep._

_The days are exhausting and each one challenges me anew. They fly like the wind, but the nights last forever. I see you, smell you and feel you. You are everywhere. It is bewitching and the wind whispers your name._

_When I close my eyes, I see you on your porch, looking back at me. I see your fluttering coat, your tousled hair and your beautiful but worried face. It was easy to make this first step, but every new step which takes me farther away from you is a burden._

_How much easier it would be with you here by my side. The partner I could trust with anything under the sun. The friend I would embrace in the moonlight._

_I can still feel your warm skin on my lips; can sense your strong body against my frame. Your trusting eyes accompany me at every step. Alex, I won't abuse your faith._

_I'm not done with my search, but I can't wait for the day I can come back, back home, back to you._

_I'm curious what you're doing now. I can't imagine you not as a member of the NYPD, but I know you had made or will make a wise decision for your future plans._

_Did Lewis try to get my baby? I know he sweet talks very well. I hope you are firm in that point._

_I'm sending you a picture of me, so you know that I'm fine._

_Always yours,_

_Bobby_

My eyes snapped open because I thought the second sheet of paper was also a letter, but now I realized it was a printout of a digital photo.

I saw Bobby in a sparse surrounding. He looked good, burned but healthy. My fingers touched his image. On the horizon fluttered a black red and golden flag. I frowned. To my knowledge Germany hadn't any deserts and it was still winter. Bobby couldn't get sunburn. Where was he, I took another look at the stamp. I needed to find an interpreter.

Bobby was alive – thank goddess. I giggled at his reference to his best friend. He shouldn't be that certain, that even I would give back his car. The Mustang was a dream and was amazing to drive. Also his encouragement felt so good. I didn't know that I needed his positive words. But then my eyes were magically attracted to the first line of the letter. Bobby missed me…a lot and wanted me by his side…hugs in the night. Maybe it was just the heat and the loneliness but there weren't many interpretation possibilities of his words. I gulped and stared for endless minutes at his photo. I missed him so much that it hurt and I wanted so badly to let him know that…


	6. Friday February, 12th

**Chapter:** 5

**Word Count:** 620

**A/N:** I snagged the idea of that chapter from my friend Hannah and one of her wonderful 100 drabbles.

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**Homeward Bound – Friday February, 12****th**

Damn, why had I decided to take the Northern State Parkway on a Friday night? The streets were crowded and the closer I got to home from Melville the worse it got. During my first two weeks working in Suffolk County for the ATF I had had good luck with the traffic. In the morning when the most people wanted to drive into the city, I drove out and the opposite had been true in the afternoon when everyone wanted to get home. But today a driver with a truck which appeared to belong in a junkyard annoyed all other drivers with his presence on the icy street. He slithered through a traffic light and everything stood still at the intersection of Grand Central Parkway and Parsons Boulevard.

The young couple in the New Beetle in front of me moved their bodies' closer and came face to face. The windows steamed up and the whole car rocked. I smiled and thought of Joe and our first year together and how we had misused his Dad's Chevy. I blushed and grinned even wider. Brian and I had never been that spontaneous. _Too uncomfortable_ had been his words and my naughty mood disappeared. I rubbed the root of my nose. You could transport a whole football team in his Ford Explorer. It was more than enough space to have a little fun.

I knew the generous space of an Explorer for sure and put a loose strand behind my ear. Grand Central Parkway - Parsons Boulevard I wasn't far away from Jamaica Hills. Last summer Bobby and I had suffered through a boring surveillance. We had been on the trail of Asian human traffickers and were trying to uncover their business topology.

It had been very late when one Triade member left the middle-class house in the well-off neighborhood. He had headed directly for our NYPD SUV. I had panicked slightly, but Bobby immediately grasped the situation. He had pressed the recliner of my seat, throwing me flat on my back. Then he'd crawled carefully over me. His left hand had sunk into the hair on the back of my head and the fingers of his right hand had entangled with mine. Everything happened in seconds. One moment Bobby and I had been bored from a stakeout and the next he had been snuggling with me, being tender. But as Bobby's lips started to nibble at my throat and then wandered higher, I'd known what to do. I had stroked his strong back which was just covered with a simple black T-shirt and as his lips reached mine, I let it happen. I let my partner kiss me – to save our lives. He had kissed me more gently and maybe more innocently than any man before him. As our eyes had met – there was a mix of tenderness and lust, warmth and desire.

It had been so very difficult to break that kiss, but as Wong Lie passed without one glance inside the SUV we stopped – we had been at work.

Damn, why had we never talked about that kiss? Today, many months later I really wanted to know what Bobby had thought and felt as I carefully sucked his bottom lip and he held me gently in his arms, stroked my back and held my neck. Did he even remember..?

I moaned breathlessly because I hadn't been so turned on in weeks. But I knew deep down that I could never equal the sweet tingly sensation I had remembering Bobby with anything I would experience with Brian. I sighed desperately and started the engine of the Mustang again. The traffic jam at the intersection had cleared.


	7. Saturday February, 27th

**Chapter:** 6

**Word Count:** 1061

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**Alteration Shop**** – Saturday February, 27****th**

"Do the pants fit Ms. Eames?"

"Perfect, Alima," I stepped in front of the big mirror in the brightly lit tailor's atelier. Now the legs of my new dress pants were exactly the right length.

The young woman crouched next to me and checked her hems one last time. "This fabric is really beautiful." Alima touched the heavy dark grey wool.

"I was lucky. The suit was a bargain at one of the shops on Madison Avenue."

"A bargain on Madison Avenue?" Alima raised her eye brows.

"Hard to believe, I know, but my size isn't that common and I wanted to treat myself to something special for my new job."

"But it's still too long…"

We both laughed.

"Please, slip into the jacket. I want to see the whole ensemble." Alima held the second piece for me to slip into. "Perfect, this fit perfectly and I don't have to change anything." She plucked at the sleeves.

"Great," I replied, and ducked behind the curtain to change back in my jeans and sweater.

I wrapped myself in my coat and walked over to Alima's high standing desk. She completed my bill and as I rummaged in the black shoulder bag for my wallet, my eyes fell on a paper next to the receipt.

"You can read Arabic?" I asked excitedly, and touched the characters on the other paper.

"Yes, my parents were insistent that I learned to read and write their native language and study our roots.

"Wonderful." I passed her a few bills to pay for the alteration work and freed Bobby's binder from my bag. I opened the zipper while my fingers wandered tenderly over the smooth leather. I was looking for the airmail letter.

"C…could you translate the stamp for me?" My voice cracked.

Alima reached for the envelop and put on her glasses. She touched the little picture with the beautiful sea shall. "Jumhūriyyat Jībūtī…Republic of Djibouti."

"Djibouti," I repeated, and finally the impervious clouds cleared. I clasped Bobby's binder under one arm and carried the suit with the other, heading determinedly to the exit. In the doorway I turned around and thanked the young woman. "Thank you, Alima for the translation and as always perfect hem work." Dear, using his binder made me react like my partner without even thinking.

**1****st**** Cupcakes West Village Manhattan – fifteen minutes later **

I took one of the quiet internet stations at Café Angelique and ordered a Latte Macchiato and three different fruit cupcakes. I couldn't wait to get home to research Djibouti. I had to do it as quick as possible. I wanted to know more about the place Bobby had been.

The waitress brought the tall glass with the milk froth cap and the three colorful sugar delicacies. The coffee could be better, but the pastry chefs at Café Angelique really made the best cupcakes in New York City.

The first page I visited online was wikipedia to get a better overview of the country.

_France first gained a foothold in the region through various treaties signed between 1883 and 1887. In 1894, Léonce Lagarde established a permanent French administration in the city of Djibouti and named the region French Somaliland (__Côte française des Somalis__). It lasted from 1896 until 1967, when it was renamed the French Territory of the Afars and the Issas._

Now I understood the little F next the price of the stamp. I examined a few pictures of Djibouti stamps and every single one was bilingual. _Ha, Goren even with this stumbling block I got you. _I flipped open his binder. Before I started to make notes on the yellow paper, I felt once again the soft leather and smelled the heavy scent. Using Bobby's binder kept alive that special bond we had built up over the years. It was a relief to have something special belonging to my former partner even when he was thousands of miles away.

Ah, since 2002 Germany provided a naval contingent, stationed in Djibouti, as part of the Operation Enduring Freedom. I found that information on the page of the German Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

I switched back to wiki. _Puh, still in January around 80 F._ I stroked Bobby's picture I'd stuck in a page protector and noted his red arms. He hated the beach, how would he survive in the desert?

I was assuaged. I couldn't find on first viewing any national uprisings or fighting of ethnic groups in the little country. It is more or less a one party dominated state, but Djibouti wasn't involved in a war like its three neighbors Eritrea – God, position 175 – last place on the list of Reporters sans frontiers and pursuance of Protestants – Ethiopia and Somalia. But the Gulf of Aden, the southern entrance to the Red Sea was one of the strongholds of modern piracy.

So was Bobby in a safe place? I rubbed my eyes and sighed. I looked up and froze. Dr. Rodgers stood before me with two shopping bags in her wool gloved hands.

"Doctor…Elizabeth," I whispered, and stood up.

"Detective…" We shook hands.

"Please sit down and have a coffee…eh'hem, no order something else." I was still a little surprised, but called for the waitress.

"I saw you through the window. I hope it is okay…?" she took the chair on the other side of the table.

"Of course." I smiled and studied her face. The last time I saw her was at my little Good-bye party at Major Case. Elizabeth looked exhausted. But the two bags showed labels of famous designers. I grinned because I was also soothed by shopping…shoe shopping. "How are you..?"

I was interrupted by the young woman in the short black dress with the white lace apron.

"What can I get for you?"

"I would like a peppermint tea."

"Make it two," I added.

"And…" Liz gazed at my three cupcakes.

"Plum," I whispered, and licked my lips.

"One of the plum cupcakes."

"Thank you." The waitress made a few notes and left.

"How are you doing?" I repeated my question, and knew too well when I got an answer, it would be a lie.

"Fine," she sighed, and fixed her eyes on my collar. I knew she had noticed Danny's pin. I rushed around the table as quickly and hugged the sobbing Elizabeth firmly.


	8. Thursday March, 11th

**Chapter:** 7

**Word Count:** 3108

**A/N****1:** Thanks so much Hannah for 'fighting' with me to get a smooth and believable result of that chapter.

**A/N2**: I love Alex's blonde hair, but as I wrote the chapter the Celebrity Ghost Stories were up. Kathryn's hair looked a little darker and I really liked it. Therefore I changed her hair color here in Alexandria.

**A/N3:** The lyrics for the two love letters were borrowed by different Joshua Radin songs.

* * *

**15****th**** wedding anniversary – Thursday March, 11****th**

_Good morning starshine  
The earth says hello  
You twinkle above us  
We twinkle below_

_Hair_ woke me at six in the morning. I reached for the little black clock radio and turned up the sound. I sprawled shoulders and legs wide and lifted my head. My eyes felt on the picture in the black frame. "Happy anniversary, Joe," I whispered between _Gliddy gloop gloopy_ and _Nibby nobby nooby_. I rotated my pelvis.

_Good mornin' starshine  
There's love in your skies  
reflecting the sunlight  
in my lovers eyes_

All three anniversary mornings I celebrated together with Joe had been naughty and tender. The other eleven mornings got better and better every year. This year wasn't an exception.

I got up and stepped naked toward the photo. I tamed my hair with a clip. Reaching for the frame, my fingertips gently stroked the face of my husband. "15 years….unbelievable," I sighed deeply, and opened the mirrored door of my wall closet. I picked my sports bra, a simple shirt and my black sweat suit.

In four minutes I was ready for my morning run.

**6:55 a.m. – out of the shower**

I entered the kitchen still rubbing my wet hair. The brewed coffee smelled throughout the whole room. I needed that first cup of elixir in the morning as kick-start for my brain, or I wasn't a human all day long. I opened the fridge to get milk and wanted to slam the door with my butt as my gaze felt on the desert picture. I had made a copy last week and had pinned it on the door. I wanted to have Bobby around me and even if it was just with a picture on my fridge.

Sighing I poured milk into my coffee and took a first gulp.

"Good morning, Goren," I cheered to him like so many times during our partnership.

**7:10 a.m. – ready to work**

I wrapped in my winter coat, got my should-bag and headed to the garage and Bobby's Mustang. On my way I put the grey bobble hat on my darkening hair because the old-timer needed a little bit to warm up and the white convertible top was poor insulation from the cold. I liked the transformation back into my natural hair color. All my NYPD time I'd dyed it honey blond, but the darker coloring looked amazing and fit wonderfully to the ATF. Of course my hairdresser Marcel helped me with the change and set beautiful highlights. This way the whole process went really smoothly and without ugly hair lines.

I started the car and rolled down the driveway, needing 40 minutes to reach Melville. I was looking for a new radio station and changed the program from R&B. Maybe I would find more 70's music.

**8:30 p.m. – supper with Brian**

I agreed to a home cooked dinner with Brian in spite of my important day, but silence cast a shadow over the whole meal. When Brian said something, only irrelevant stuff left his mouth. God, this man was boring. Had I ever laughed with him, or was that just a dream? Why had I never noticed before that he just talked about his job and golfing? Did he notice that I had just greeted him as I entered his Upper West Side apartment and didn't say anything more in the last hour? When had it started that he took me for granted? Did he believe I would endure that for the rest of my life?

My mood was down, deep, below a measurable level. I didn't know why because the whole day was okay. To look at pictures of Joe and me didn't hurt anymore. My team and I closed an illegal Whisky distillery we had been investigating for three weeks and I wanted to visit Bobby's apartment again. I hadn't been there for ten days.

I swallowed the last spoon of chocolate ice cream and wanted to leave. "Stay." Brian wrapped one of my strands around his fingers before he reached for the plates and cups to bring them to the sink. "When will you change your hair back to blonde?" He opened the freezer.

_Why?_ I was irritated and became a little annoyed.

"Hey Baby, why not enjoy a second dish of ice cream in bed with you as dish?" Brian leaned down to me and whispered in my ear. I hunched my shoulders because of the body contact. Just thinking of closer contact with Brian wanted me to puke.

"No, I can't. Tomorrow will be an exhausting day and I need my sleep." I stood up and brought the flatware to the sink.

"Let's make a baby, Baby…"

Brian didn't listen to my words, again and a baby? I screamed inwardly. _Never!_ His sweaty hands rested on both of my arms.

"Not today, not on this special day," I protested, and turned around.

"Why?" he replied ignorantly, and I just rolled my eyes.

"C'mon Alex, you haven't spend the night here in weeks." He became angrier. I just sighed. But as he wanted to stroke my cheeks, I winced and ducked away from his hands. This reaction caused Brian's face to turn to furious white.

"We haven't slept together since last year and now even a touch is too much for you? How would that work when we move in together and become a family?

"Become a family?" I fought for air. "We won't move in together and we'll never become a family," I said with low but strong voice in the big living room, but was very frightened for the first moment. I couldn't face Brian and needed to support myself on the table. This was the first time I spoke it out loud and it felt good, great. It was right. Brian wasn't my future. It finally became clear.

"What? What's going on?" he screamed. "Who are you?

"And who are you?" I turned back to him. "You're the one who's using me to warm your bed, right?" I fumed, and my voice trembled.

"That would be nice, but you've given me the cold shoulder for three months." That was the last straw. I saw red.

"Sex is not our main problem, Brian. There is so much more to talk about." Nevertheless, I returned to this topic, wanted to hurt. "But maybe I would share your bed and spoil you, if I get something back once in a while." Now I really was all up for a fight.

With saucer-eyes Brian yelled and his voice went up an octave, "You came…often."

I snorted and gave him my coldest smile. "Maybe at the beginning of our relationship, but then," rolling my eyes. "like everything else, you didn't listen anymore. You didn't listen to me and my desires. I'll go now. I have plans tonight."

"Plans? Now what kind of plans would that be?"

I didn't answer and felt for the car keys in my jeans pockets.

"It's that damned apartment and his damned Mustang," Brian's voice reached a normal sound level again, but was still as sharp as a scalpel.

"I promised." I replied defiantly, and Brian became silent. His eyes snapped open.

"You fucked him, didn't you?"

His words cut off my breath. I refused to answer this stupid question.

"I knew it," Brian triumphed, and he got so close that his salvia hit me. I felt very uncomfortable. "Now I get it. The whole time we are together this bastard fucked you behind my back and you enjoyed fooling me."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He couldn't really believe this.

"Why else would you turn me down?"

„If you think I really slept with my partner of eight years, then we are in deeper troubles than we think. Goren has always been a friend and he always will be friend."

"But see Alex, he left you and won't come back."

"But he promised." I hated to admit that I needed to hear these words out loud to convince myself they were true.

"Promised? Bullshit. Things won't change. He's an unreliable, unstable whack-job. He won't keep his promises."

I couldn't believe my ears. I had told Brian about my worries concerning my partner's well-being. Abusing my trust like this made me realize that I was much better off with Bobby who wasn't here, than I would ever be with Brian.

"Oh, you'll see how quickly things change right this minute." I turned on my heels and rushed into the hall. I got my coat and the shoulder bag. "I'm leaving now. We're finished." The door clunked shut and I was outside.

**9:15 p.m. – on the road to Bobby's apartment.**

I stopped the Mustang on Temple Emanu-El, at 5th Avenue because of my uncontrolled sobbing. Two and a half years. Had I trashed this two and a half year relationship in less than thirty minutes? Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. Everything was so confusing. My mind whirled. Did I really intend to say all of that? Brian and I had had wonderful moments at the beginning of our relationship. Later he had been my rock when Bobby had broken into thousand pieces and didn't have the power to be that rock any longer. He had supported me as I had thought that I would lose my partner. Brian had encouraged me as the friendship to Bobby had put to the test. But while Bobby had worked unbelievably hard to come back to normal, to re-assemble his complicated life together, Brian had degraded and become a burden.

The fun and the lightness while we were together had been replaced by stiff situations and stress. I knew how to work on a serious relationship, but when just one of the team was working to fix something then the contract was doomed to failure. Since December I had been struck that only I had tried to smooth and ease and there had been no response of him.

But what if Brian was right? My heart became heavy and pounded painfully against the seatbelt. Will Bobby come back? How would it work between us? Did he love me? Did I love him? I was so damned tired. There was just this one truth. I took a deep breath. I knew it for sure. It was over. I didn't love Brian anymore.

**9:45 p.m. – Greenpoint**

I gulped as I found the blue airmail letter in Bobby's post box. How did he know that I needed a sign from him tonight? My heart nearly burst in excitement, but I restrained myself. First I had to water the ficus. The polypetalous rubber tree looked greener and healthier every time I visited it.

Something was different about this letter. There was a sticker which labeled the letter as Express Mail. Anyhow a knowing smile curled my lips. This time I recognize the Arabian capitals on the Djibouti stamp. I opened the envelop with a sharp knife in the kitchen. My eyes felt once again on the stamp and the postmark: 09/03/10. Now I understood. This was really express.

With the open letter I went over in the living room. I wanted to feel comfortable while reading Bobby's words. I snuggled down on his dark brown leather couch. I felt the soft material and smelled the familiar scent. Carefully I unfolded the white paper.

_My lovely Alex, March, 08__th_

_my best friend_

_How long have you been dealing with my craziness? I'm so thankful that you gave us and our partnership a second chance and then a third and a fourth…_

_Over the years we grew to be friends. You're the first and only woman I call a close friend. It's strange but also great. I know your family; you know mine and all the collateral problems. There is so much mutual respect. You put me in my place, we're honest._

_Honesty…_

…_my feelings for you are set on fire._

_Remember the night you and I were in the car?_

_A dangerous moment brought us closer_

_Together_

_Your hand in mine_

_Your lips at mine_

_How come we never talked after?_

_When all the stars were aligned_

_I thought we had a moment_

_Moon pours through the ceiling tonight_

_Embraces me tight_

_I'm in the middle of the sea_

_The gulf is calm and the soft waves lulled me_

_The stars show me we're right for each other_

_And as I lie here and let the world fade away_

_The sunrise tries to end it while I try to stay_

_You, Alex, will guide me into the morning light_

_Passing the last step I need to survive_

_Lay here beside me – you have to know_

_I see the rest of my life with you_

_Alone we are fine; but when we're two, we are eternal_

_All I want is everything_

_Alex you know it's true_

_All I want is everything_

_But all I need is you._

_All my life I've lived alone without you_

_All this time I couldn't find a way to belong_

_You were the last thing I saw coming_

_I'm still surprised_

_I wish you would lay here by my side_

_And I could tell you everything_

_While looking into your eyes_

_It's all about the first night and last_

_Well I love you so much more tonight_

_So much more than yesterday_

_in eternal love, Bobby_

My mouth was dry and I blinked many times. But, but…my mind swirled. A deep breath. My eyes ran again over Bobby's lines. 'You were the last thing I saw coming – I'm still surprised' I bit my lips. 'You, Alex, will guide me into the morning light – Passing the last step I need to survive' I sighed. 'Well I love you so much more tonight – So much more than yesterday' First tears ran down my cheeks.

LOVE…

…I had to touch the characters to realize. I pressed the letter against my chest, my body swayed, looking through a veil of tears around Bobby's living room. There were his overflowing book shelves and his chaotic desk, but my gaze was caught by the fireplace and the numerous photos around. I clumsily got up on my feet and walked over. There was Bobby's Academy portrait, the old yellowed picture in the golden frame of him and Frank as children, a beautiful snapshot of his mom at the beach and one picture showed Bobby together with me.

During the arrest of Jack Riley back in 2005. Before we had entered the big knot of people, Bobby had taken me aside. We had turned our backs to the crowed and quickly discussed our next procedure. A friendly paparazzi, a guy Bobby already had known from College must have spotted us in the moment in front of the SUV and had taken a picture. One week later a big envelope had been delivered to OnePP and we got a copy of this private and calm moment.

But one picture was missing which had stood on the left corner since 2003. I'd given Bobby a photo showing me, as I left the Major Case for maternity break. He'd forced me to leave him a picture of me. I had followed his arguments _not forgetting me and passing the time more smoothly_ and had given in. Bobby had never given it back. Had he taken _me_ with him on his mission? Why had I never noticed the missing photo before?

I stared into the pictures, seeing Bobby and my own reflection. One day you looked at a person and suddenly you could see something more that you had the night before. And the person who had been just a friend was suddenly the only person you could imagine yourself with. I missed him incredibly.

I undressed were I stood. With only the love letter and Bobby's binder I walked over in the bedroom. I pulled away the big quilt which covered Bobby's bedding from dust and slipped between the smooth cold sheets. Turning on my side, I opened the binder and started to write an answer.

_Behind me the air's getting thin but I'm trying  
I'm breathing in  
Come find me_

_I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it  
That's part of it all  
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you_

_Is the fear you won't fall_

_And I hate the phone  
But I wish you'd call  
Thought being alone  
_

_It hasn't felt like this before  
It hasn't felt like home before you_

_And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way  
And I miss you more than I should  
Than I thought I could_

_Bobby, I can't get my mind off you_

Before I put away binder and pencil and falling asleep there was that confidence that in the end everything would come together. The moon shone through the white drape and lulled me into dreams. I was in Bobby's bed, in his home and I knew I was right.

~:::~

_First he is poking with tweezers in the glass wound of a victim. She turns disgustedly away, checking dead body number two._

_He gets behind her. Sits on the table and passes his shoes. It's crowded and loud, but he took the time to check the eye balls of the dead man - dehydrated. He understands what she is talking about. 'I'm listening. He left Ireland two weeks ago.'_

_The room is empty. They are alone. He takes the position of the body, leans far back in the chair – in deep concentration. It's a miracle that he doesn't keel over._

_She gets on the table – exactly like him. Places her feet left and right on the arm rests. He got up. She is naked with spread wide legs. Just a grin and a little move – coming together._

~:::~

Oh my…

…my eyes snapped open and I needed two heart beats to realize where I was. I lay in the middle of the most comfortable bed in which I had ever slept. There was so much space around me. I could stretch my arms and legs in all directions and didn't touch the edges.

Puzzled I lifted my head. I hadn't noticed last night that Bobby had a California King bed. The dimensions of the mattress were phenomenal. 72" wide and 84" long, exactly the right size for a 6'4 man like Bobby and wonderful for… I giggled and re-lived again the weird, but in the end interesting steamy dream of last night.

But I had to get up. I needed to go home and change my clothes before I could drive to work.


	9. Friday March, 12th

**Chapter:** 8

**Word Count:** 825

* * *

**Lunch Break**** – Friday March, 12****th**

I smirked about a funny note my friend Viviane sent me via email. I lifted my head and wanted to share, but my friend on the other side of the desk wasn't there. I shook my head. These situations hadn't happened often in the last months. But last night's dream had been very intense and I felt as if I had seen Bobby yesterday.

I sighed and opened the next mail.

**Subject: Please accept my apology.**

**From:** Robert Goren

**Sender:** r_goren61(at)yahoo(dot)com

**Date:** 03-12-2010 08:13

**To: **aeames(at)jointaccess(dot)net

_Hey Alex,_

_I'm so sorry. I don't know what I have done._

_I don't regret my feelings for you. They are true, but maybe I shouldn't have let you know. It's not fair to confess myself and not be looking into your eyes…_

_But I must say it, had to write my feelings down or I'd have torn myself into pieces I could no longer have put together._

_Alex, I know you're in a relationship. I don't want to create any confusion. I wish you so much luck and happiness even if I'm not included in this plan. There is no one who deserves happiness more._

_I'll be back soon. Please don't let my letter destroy everything we built. I can't wait to see you again and I hope we can talk about…_

…_talk about everything._

_Sincerely yours_

_Bobby_

_P.S. I don't know if I can arrange to get online again. Please don't be mad if I don't answer._

_P.P.S. I'm healthy, only the heat is killing me._

I smirked from ear to ear and devoured Bobby's words again. He didn't know what happened last night and this electronic note amused me. How in the world could such a letter not create troubles? If I hadn't ended my relationship with Brian and hadn't had these soothing and new feelings about Bobby, then it would be a challenge for me and Bobby to go on with our friendship. I asked myself why he had never known what to say to me. He could handle all these perps so brilliantly but when it had come to me…

…difficult. Was that too vain, I chastised myself or did I get it right?

Before I saved the email in my private Bobby folder, I typed a short note knowing full well that the odds were looking not good that Bobby would read it.

**Subject: Re: Please accept my apology.**

**From:** aeames(at)jointaccess(dot)net

**Date:** 03-12-2010 13:37

**To:** r_goren61(at)yahoo(dot)com

_Hey,_

_don't worry, Bobby. Everything is all right between us._

_We really have to talk._

_I miss you so much._

_Alex_

I was reading an Easter brunch invitation email from my brother Patrick, as a guy from the administration department arrived with a stack papers.

"For you, Eames."

"Thanks, Granger." I nodded and took the passed file. Opening the manila folder, I skimmed over the first page. I saw my name, my date of birth and a lot of other personal information in my own hand writing. This was the patient form I had filled out for the blood-drug test I took in February.

On the bottom of the sheet of paper sported a big red stamp: NEGATIVE over a tiny line 'for more details see page 2 – 10'.

I knew that I passed the drug test in many different checked substances. Otherwise the ATF would never have hired me. This folder must be a copy of the full report for my personal files.

I turned over to page two and saw the logo of a well known government lab we also had used frequently at NYPD. Carl Landstiner had tested my blood between January, 19th and February, 4th.

On the next two pages were listed numerous narcotic analgesics like benzodiazepine, cocaine, cannabis, amphetamine and opiates. All measured levels were considerably lower than the threshold values. The test duration was denoted beside every test. Each drug result required no longer than 72 hours. I frowned and scrolled back to check the dates again…over two weeks.

Skimming through page five, I found more test results. My new employer had also requested testing for non-drug related blood components. I felt annoyed. I had nothing against the tests, but to be asked would be much nicer. The lab had tested my cholesterol, glycerin and glucose level and a lot more I didn't understand because the tests were encoded.

One row aroused my interest. This was the only test which had lasted these whole 17 days: ELISA (Enzyme-linked Immunosorbent Assay) – 4th generation.

I opened google to check the code.

Over 45 million results but the first link told me everything. The ATF tested me for HIV. I gulped and my eyes flew back to page six. Negative, I panted relieved. I hadn't expected another result – practiced safe sex since…since…Joe. Even in my longtime relationship with Brian I protected myself doubly with the pill and condoms. But to see the result in cold print soothed my anger.


	10. Sunday April, 04th

**Chapter:** 9

**Word Count:** 1082

**A/N****1:** I know the Staten Island Ferry is never empty ;o)

**A/N2:** More than the half of the story is published and I want to thank everyone who is interested in Alex's journey and read MY Post Loyalty project. Special Thanks go to all the people who hit the favs and/or Alert button. I'm really honored because of all the reviews. It's wonderful to read your (AriesOx17, rindy713, Gypsy5, skittles4me2, sgrfan, OuroborosSnyder, TriStateCopFan and basric) thoughts and support about Alexandria.

* * *

**Easter**** – Sunday April, 04****th**

The sinking sun glistened on the water surface. "And, are you happy?" Liz laid her arms around my waist, while we stood at the railing of the empty upper deck. I swept a loosen strand behind my ear, looking back to Staten Island.

"Yes, I am." I sucked in the first warm spring air. "I'm relieved that everybody took the news so well."

"He wasn't the right one for you. We all knew."

I turned around and raised my eye brows. "And why didn't anyone tell me a little earlier?"

"Would you have listened to us?"

Another deep breath. "Maybe, maybe not…"

"Okay, Owen liked Brian, but I think just because of the good financial advice he got from him last summer." We both laughed.

Liz peeked aft and looked after her son and Gavin. Father stood behind son and helped him support the new spyglass the Easter bunny had hidden under the budding forsythia for the six years old.

"Do you want to go inside?"

"No, I love the wind in my hair and…and." I couldn't go on, but I finally had to tell someone or I would burst. Liz took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"I…I think I'm in…in love…" My lips trembled. God, it sounded so weird.

"Oh?" There was this special sparkling in the eyes of my big sister. "With whom?" she whispered. I had to turn away, fixing the horizon to suppress this prickling in my belly. But I failed. A grin entered my whole face. Liz caught it on the spot and leaned against me.

"With whom?" she whispered again directly in my ear, and her arms moved around my waist.

I sighed and kneaded my bottom lip. Liz pulled away my hand stopping my nervous gesture. "Okay, let's start with a few easier questions. Do I know him?"

I nodded.

"Ah, all right. Do I like him?"

My eyes flew quickly to my sister and caught hers. I had to think one second but nodded hesitantly.

"And what do you mean with _I think_? Are there butterflies in your belly when thinking about him?"

I nodded.

"Wobbling legs?"

More grinning.

"I would say, love." She winked. "Does he return these feelings?"

The sun disappeared behind Jersey City. I put my hands deep in the pockets of my light blue coat, feeling Bobby's last letter in the one on the right. I nodded once again.

"Spit it out, Alex. Tell me his name."

"Bobby," I sputtered against the wind, and nuzzled my blushing face against Liz's chest. It was the first time I formulated my feeling for Bobby loudly and it felt great. We passed Liberty Island and I laughed about this twist of fate.

"No," Liz gasped unbelieving, and held me arm length away to study my face. "Your partner."

"Former…"

"After all these years?"

"Mhm," I confirmed still monosyllabic.

Liz pulled me toward the bow of the ferry and away from her two sea gull observers. She knew that I would need privacy to confess everything and she wouldn't let me go before knowing every little detail. She would be an ace investigator.

"How? I thought he wasn't in town, for…for over four months."

"Five months," I corrected her under sighs. "He sent me notes and sent a few letters …a love letter written on a boat in the middle of the Gulf of Aden."

"Romantic." I had to check Liz's face to see that there was no sarcasm. Her smiling was so warm and soothing. As if she knew everything years before I ever guessed. How could sisters manage this over and over again?

"I…I miss him so much, as friend, as constant in my daily life."

"I know." Liz reached again for my hand and we sat down a little bench.

"I can't explain this change in my feelings either, but although he wasn't here, with me…he was present. I got something very special and personal for Christmas, something which comforted me after the worst arguments with Brian. How in the world did Bobby know that I needed something like that?" I paused, but Liz still listened attentively so I continued. "I had to solve puzzles." I giggled, and shook my head about the stamp hunt. "I got a single white rose for Valentine's Day. Don't ask me how he managed that and…and in the night I broke up with Brian Bobby confessed his love. That's when I realized my growing feelings."

Liz sighed deeply and pulled me in a deep embrace.

"I'm afraid. What if this is just a rebound from Brian? He was mean and Bobby so sweet and with perfect timing," I confessed.

Liz frowned. "No – no. Why so insecure little sis? Close your eyes."

"What?"

"C'mon, close your eyes."

I followed her request.

"And what do you see?"

I gulped. "Bobby," I breathed. "On my porch, waiting for me. God Liz, I miss him so badly."

"See, it's not just a reaction. Your feelings are true and real."

I nodded.

"When will he be back?"

"I don't know. Bobby wrote that it would be soon, but that was three weeks ago. I haven't had anything since an email in March." I took another deep breath and played with a single strand. "He is the right one. I feel it."

"Your blushing is too sweet, Alex. You finally deserve the right one and Bobby and you…"

"Yes?"

"You know each other so well. Through thick and thin in all these years and now with these new feelings. I think it could work, now after your partnership. And don't forget he is really…" Liz made a little break and a naughty smile entered her face. "…yummy. A really delicious man not many women would pass. He can put his shoes under my bed anytime…"

"Liz," I yelled disgustedly.

"C'mon Alex. You never thought about it?"

"Not during our partnership."

"No, not one tiny time in nine years?" Liz raised asking her eye browns.

"Maybe once," I admitted, and felt my hot cheeks. "But after his last letter I thought about IT nearly every day."

"Whose letter?" Gavin asked, and we both winced startled, caught out like little school girls.

"No one," Liz responded. She picked up her courage quicker than me and stepped closer to her husband and son.

"Sister Secrets?"

We both nodded and together headed to the Exit. We would dock at the Whitehall Ferry Terminal in Lower Manhattan in a few minutes.


	11. Saturday April, 17th

**Chapter:** 10

**Word Count:** 498

* * *

**Cozy at home**** – Saturday April, 17****th**

The familiar thud – rolled paper against wood – woke me up. I blinked two times and wiped away the sleep. Quickly I slipped out of my warm bed and went in the hot coffee – smelling kitchen to pour myself the black elixir in my big weekend cup. I decided for three warm samples of the delicious pastry collection I had bought on my way home from Greenpoint yesterday night. I loved my fully automated kitchen. With the first bite of the croissant in my mouth – Fortunato Brothers are the best – I opened the front door to reach for the Saturday edition of the Ledger. Brrr, it had become chilly overnight.

I choked on the buttery piece. There was an airmail letter in my post box.

Back under my cover, I placed the coffee beside the pastries and the newspaper on my night stand. Carefully I opened the blue envelope.

_Alex, April, 08__th_

_Today I start my last mission back to Africa and then I'll head for normal temperatures. I don't know yet how I will get home. I haven't made any plans, but I've met many interesting and independent people who'll help me to leave the region._

_I hope that you'll wait for my return. Deep in my heart I hope we'll meet midway. I want to see you as soon as possible._

_I miss you so much,_

_Bobby_

The nervous prickling I'd felt at the front door changed into cold showers during reading and now my whole body trembled. He still missed me. I sank deeper in the pillows and giggled like a school girl. April, 08th…exactly one month after he wrote the love letter. That was a good sign. God, I'd felt so different the last month. The first stormy billows of 'in love' hadn't passed away. They had grown to painful but joyful waves.

"I also want to meet you as soon as possible," I whispered. Nibbling at the blueberry muffin I inspected the envelope a little closer. 'Back to Africa' عدن Aden stood on the post stamp. After finding out Bobby's whereabouts I tried to learn more about the countries around the Gulf of Aden. I discovered that Aden was a seaport of Yemen and the historic center was built in a volcanic crater.

111-19, 67th Road, Forest Hills, NY. Bobby used my home address. My eyes snapped open. Why hadn't I noticed this right away? Was he safe? Would he really come home? I sniffed at the letter but there was no scent. I could only smell my coffee. Leaning the letter against my bedside lamp, I reached for the newspaper. I made myself comfortable, the Ledger on my knees, the scone in my left hand and the coffee in my right. What a wonderful Saturday. I couldn't wait for perfect Saturdays with Bobby by my side, sharing hot chocolate, the newspaper and feeding each other sweet pastries. I was happy, really, really happy.

Soon, very, very soon.


	12. Saturday April, 24th

**Chapter:** 11

**Word Count:** 919

* * *

**McCarren Park – Saturday April, 24****th**

A 30 minute jog was enough. I finished lap five around McCarren Park and headed off toward Lorimer Street to Bobby's home. By power walking I reached 210 Mather Street in less than ten minutes.

The mail box included just one junk mail flyer from a nearby grocery store, a few other ads and a big envelope screaming Bobby had won a luxury car…as if! I threw all of the paper into the wastebasket in the entrance. Luckily I took a second look at the blue and shimmering card which slipped out between the folder leaves.

'Six…one of six'

I turned the card around and found only six more words and a date, the date of Thursday next week. 'Please meet me in YOUR city – 4/29' It was Bobby's handwriting.

MY city? I re-turned the card and climbed the few high stairs up to Bobby's apartment door. The building on the postcard didn't exist in New York City – my city.

Six…one of six. I brooded over the expression while unlocking the door. Where had I heard this before? I stepped into Bobby's living room and reached for the watering can. The ficus got its water and I screamed out loud as my gaze fell onto the Smithsonian Magazine from last November which still lay beside the plant.

"Alexandria!" My city, now I got it. I rushed over to Bobby's desk and opened his silver laptop. The computer took forever to boot. But in the end a little question mark icon named Robert 2.0 welcomed me: "Password protected," I sighed. Why I knew? Stretching my fingers, I tried my luck to hack the laptop. "Password programs give you a hint after three trying," I whispered like seven years ago.

'_most important investigative tool_' blinked on the screen. My eyes wander to the postcard I had leaned against the desk lamp. Then I burst out laughing. What a lucky break. Slowly I typed **library card** in the log in: it matched.

Opening the web browser, I googled Alexandria and library. The shown pictures confirmed my suspicion. The white and cylindrical building with the sloping roof was the new building of the Library of Alexandria. I leaned back in Bobby's comfortable swivel chair and folded my hands behind my head, started dreaming.

'Please meet me in YOUR city – 4/29'

My heart started beating wildly. Could it be that Bobby was so close, just five days away? I rubbed my hands over my face and started to browse for flights to Egypt. The prices were cheaper than I thought for the distance. What shocked me a little was the time I would need to reach Alexandria. To travel the 5500 miles I could choose between 20 or 30 hours.

I was magically attracted to the buy tickets button, but I resisted. I couldn't just fly to Egypt and meet Bobby. This was crazy. We would never find each other. Not in a crowded city like Alexandria. Over 4 Million habitants, I checked this with Wikipedia.

But Bobby sent me a postcard with the Library as clue…

…Should I take a shot in the dark and fly there?

I was nervous and excited and needed a moment to calm down. Chores would distract me. I walked into Bobby's room and started to make his bed. I hadn't changed the sheets and blankets after I'd spent the night in the apartment. I also vacuumed and dusted the two rooms plus kitchen and bath. But as the apartment became cleaner, I wasn't any wiser.

Before I could plan anything I had to know if I would get a few days off. I had a very kind boss and he made a lot of concessions to get me onto his team. We had a great working relationship. I should just call Matt.

**On the phone – sixty minutes later at home**

"Really, Matt?" I sat down my bed, pressed the receiver against my ear.

"Yes, Alex. Take the whole next week off. You've worked full time in my team since day one and have accumulated a lot of overtime."

"And what about the probationary period?"

"Four of your cases closed in less than three months. The illegal distillery operation was a huge success for the whole team, plus you supervised the reorganization of our division's database. Do I need to go on singing your praises?"

"No," I said subdued. "Thanks."

"Okay Alex, bring your former partner back home and maybe put in a good word for the bureau. We need more investigators from the same mold as you."

"I will."

"Bye Eames and take care. We'll see you next Monday…on time at eight."

"Bye Matt," I replied and hung up. Now there were no more obstacles. I could fly. The wobbling in my stomach which hadn't stopped since I'd found the postcard increased to a butterfly armada. I took many deep breathes to calm down.

Slowly I went into my study and read the card again. It was stamped in Būr Sūdān ten days ago. Būr Sūdān? Somewhere in Sudan I guessed. Bobby was on his way north.

My eyes wandered again over the modern architecture of the library and the Mediterranean surrounding. 'Six…one of six' I would find Bobby.

I moved the mouse and my screen saver disappeared. With two clicks I was on the flight booking web page. I ordered one of the twenty hours flights with two stops, one in Frankfurt and the other in Cairo and then calmed down.


	13. Tuesday April, 27th

**Chapter:** 12

**Word Count:** 698

* * *

**JFK: Gate 4 – Tuesday April, 27****th**

8:30 p.m. I had to hurry a little because Singapore Airlines SQ 25 to Frankfurt would take off in 115 minutes. But I took the time to look back to the Kiss and Ride area where Liz still waited in her car with a wide grin in her face. I winked a last time over my shoulder and entered the airport. I stepped to one of the online terminals for the check in and then joined the line to go through security.

_Flight SQ 25 to Frankfurt, International Airport now boarding at Gate 4_

**744: Economy class – somewhere over the Atlantic**

Still three and a half hour to Germany. I shifted in my seat and tried to find a more comfortable position. Half of the plane's passengers were sleeping and the rest were watching a lame movie. My thoughts ran back to my last long flight over the ocean.

Bobby and I had had to be at the airport in less than an hour to fly to Ho Chi Minh City to arrest Simon Fife there. But we had the luxury of flying Business Class to Vietnam in October '06. I remembered this magical occasion like it was yesterday. I'd woken up in this multi functional chair, deep snuggling in the soft blanket. As I had opened my eyes, I had looked deep into two soft brown eyes. I think Bobby and I had remained that way over several minutes, just looking, studying the face of the familiar partner.

A stewardess had broken our togetherness as she had given us our options for the next meal. But we had shared a moment…dear, there had been so many more moments during our partnership.

The plane fell in a small air pocket and the sudden jerk brought me back to present. I turned my head and looked into the sleeping face of my neighbor. The Twenty-something year old guy looked friendly. He had been resting for the last hour. I just hoped for more seat neighbors like him on my remaining travel.

**Airport Hotel Alexandria – Thursday April, 29****th**

My reflection in the big cupboard mirror looked like hell. I peeled out of my crinkled clothes, leaving them in a ball on the floor. Completely naked I stepped into the bath, not much bigger than the plane lavatory and took a hot shower. It felt wonderful to wash away all the stress.

Another check in the mirror told me that the warm water had worked miracles. Seven hours of sleep should help, too. I set my cell phone alarm for nine and felt asleep before hitting the mattress.

**~Zzzz~**

I had planned at home what I wanted to wear, when seeing Bobby again. I was so nervous that dressing needed longer than usual. In this condition I hadn't managed a 'what to wear' decision. I slipped shaking into the olive cargo pants and plugged the black tank top in the low cut trousers. I loved how my butt looked in them and in combination with the flat brown sandals…Bobby should get something for our long separation.

I twisted my hair to the back of my head and hid the long strands under the green sun hat, sticking the sunglasses on the neckline of the top. I reached for my shoulder bag and opened the door. The hotel staff had ironed my white dress shirt and left the hangar on the door handle. I slipped into the shirt to protect my pale winter skin from the Mediterranean sun. Another reason of the long sleeve shirt was to cover my body a little bit in deference to the Muslim way of life. I checked the whole ensemble one last time in the elevator mirror. I was ready to meet Bobby. This still sounded surreal.

After a quick breakfast I checked out of the hotel and called a taxi. I was a big city girl, but using one of the busses or trams in rush hour traffic was a little too much after 20 hours in planes and airports. The funny cabby took me the few miles through the crowded streets to the coast and the Alexandria Library.


	14. Reunion

**Chapter:** 13

**Word Count:** 2478

**A/N 1:** I added a floor plan of the tiny apartment in the LJ version. There will be also of the library.

**A/N 2:** For the description of Bobby, especially his strong arms I thought about the paparazzi pictures of him and his two sons, taken last year. ;o)

* * *

**Library of Alexandria ****– reunion**

"Ten pounds, Ma'am," the woman behind the counter repeated in English. I passed an Egyptian banknote and entered the huge area of the modern building complex. "When you visit the Library you must check your luggage," she added, and pointed to my shoulder.

"Okay, where?"

"The lockboxes are in the hall in front of the reading room. You'll need one pound."

I rummaged in my completely disorganized shoulder bag to find my wallet again. I think I'd never been frisked so often in my life. I only wanted to enter a library. In the end I produced the gold and silver coin with the Sphinx. The woman nodded with a smile and I finally pointed my feet in Bobby's direction.

Freed from my shoulder bag and shielded with just his binder I entered the enormous room of light wood, glass and concrete filled with books.

At the counter close to the entrance I asked for directions to the newspaper and magazine section where I hoped to find Bobby with his nose stuck in a pack of new Smithsonian Magazines. But first I wanted to get a better overview. Therefore I slowly climbed up one of the endless stairs of the big hall, my eyes everywhere. Halfway up, a crowd of students passed me, but when I reached the top level, it wasn't crowded. Here and there, people sat concentrating on their books, papers or laptops that were open in front of them. A few stood searching on shelves.

Then I spotted him, my partner, Bobby. He sat at one of the wooden desks with the black blotting pads. A good lookout point, but his gaze was completely focused on a newspaper. I could observe him privately a little longer.

His face was concentrating but relaxed. It showed the same expression I had seen million times over the last nine years on the other side of my desk. Only the tapping of his foot gave away his nervousness. His cheeks and chin were covered with a short full beard. His more salt than pepper hair curled around his bronzed ears and neck. It was too intense. I had to support myself on the handrail.

Bobby turned the newspaper over. The well tanned skin of his upper arms tightened around the strong muscles. He looked handsome and healthy; like him but so changed. I took a deep breath and wanted to step closer, but my legs didn't move and turned to jelly.

Then he raised his eyes and saw me. I walked on air as I closed the space between us. Bobby stood up and went around the desk. I noted how his gaze lingered over my body absorbing everything. In the end his eyes rested on my face.

"You really came," he whispered, and panted for air. His liberation and relief was tangible. I nodded and bit my lips, "Yes, I…I had to. It's my city." And I passed him his binder.

**Tiny alley – before sunset**

"Careful," Bobby pointed to a quick and lurching moped. I pressed my back against an old, wobbly door to save my feet. We laughed in the blue smoke. What an amazing day. Bobby and I had so much fun. After we had visually checked each other for endless moments, he had shown me the whole library. We had talked and chatted about everything and nothing while walking around the old city of Alexandria. We had acted as if there hadn't been a five months break, but we hadn't touched the topic we both were nervously hiding behind our normal façade.

I didn't know if my gaze had rested too many times on Bobby's beard, but after a light lunch he had entered the first barber shop and had gotten a shave with a razor blade and warm foam. I had protested as the barber had reached for the electric shaver to remove the soft curls, too. "Just a little trim," I had pleaded. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, digging them inside to pull Bobby's face closer. I had blushed under his intense gaze. Had he read my mind?

We had bought pita bread, figs, grapes and cheese on a crowded farmers marked. A bottle of domestic red wine we had bought in a dusty basement store. Now Bobby had the bag of food under his arm, but I still didn't know our destination.

"We're here." He surprised me and reached with nearly no space around my waist to open the red painted door.

"Oh!" There was still no touching. I'd imaged that we would fall into each other's arms at our reunion, had dreamed of uninhibited kisses. But there was no physical contact only endless gazes which we had brought to perfection during our partnership.

"No hotel..?" I whispered.

"A friend offered his unused apartment for my stay in the city."

I nodded and shouldered my bag.

"Top floor."

The advancement began.

Five steep staircases and oriental kitchen scents brought us to the small apartment. Bobby opened the door and let me step inside ahead of him.

"Beautiful," I said, as I looked around. The cozy living room with high ceiling had whitewashed walls and big windows with weathered shutters. The whole room with the dark brown timber parquet was dominated by a colossal red couch covered in green and golden embroideries. There was a little kitchenette along the wall to the tiny bathroom. I could spot another door to a second room. I guessed the bedroom and my bottom lip trembled slightly. In front of it began one more steep staircase. It ended in a tiny door with a skylight above and showed a big wall closet underneath.

I placed my shoulder bag on a table which stood at the base of the stairs leading to the roof. "How long have you been in Alexandria?" I noted a black t-shirt over a chair and washed dishes in the sink.

"I arrived last Friday."

"This is really an amazing place," I said, meaning the home and Alexandria both, and sat down the couch. My feet hurt from all the walking.

"Make yourself at home." Bobby laid the groceries onto the countertop. "I'll take a quick shower and then we can have dinner."

"Okay," I replied, but stood up again, as he disappeared in the bathroom. I couldn't just put my feet up and wait. I would have too much time to imagine Bobby under the hot water. So I washed the grapes and figs and found a wooden plate and a sharp knife for the cheese. I wanted to explore the rooms a little closer, especially the mysterious door at the end of the stairs.

But first I risked a peek inside the bedroom. There was a big bed under a ceiling van – again hospital corners. I giggled about Bobby's organization even in vacations. A beautiful old commode with an offset mirror was the only other furniture. In the bottom left corner of the small mirror I discovered a photo, my loan photo. I swallowed hard. Yes, Bobby really took _me_ with him on his long journey.

I turned around and left the bedroom to climb up the last ten steps. I pulled away the bar as I heard the shower starting. What I found was a feral hanging garden with a breathtaking view. I stepped to the northern handrail and saw the sinking red sun above the glistening Mediterranean Sea.

After a few deep and long breathes of the warm air, I got the groceries from the kitchen for the dinner. I also was looking for matches to lighten the candles. But I couldn't find any. I noted that Bobby must have left the bathroom for a short moment as I was on the roof because his jeans and T-shirt laid folded on the couch. Although Bobby quit smoking two years ago, I knew that he always carried a lighter. I browsed through the pockets and withdrew a red plastic lighter.

Back again on the roof, I set the little metal table between all the plants. I poured each of us a glass of wine and placed myself again at the handrail, waiting for Bobby. The white dress shirt and my hat had protected me perfectly the whole day from the sun. I didn't feel any tightness from sunburn on my skin, yet. Now I was safe. The sun kissed the sea and I slipped off my shirt and pulled off the hat. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair, as I heard approaching steps on the stairs.

"Your hair…it's darker," Bobby whispered behind me, „and even longer. I…I like that."

I began to lift my gaze from Bobby's naked feet. He now wore dark blue slacks instead of jeans. The upper part of his body was covered with a white dress shirt which he hadn't buttoned. His tanned skin over strong muscles, the slight chest hair and the white garment was a combination which killed me.

"T…thanks," I stuttered, and swept a single strand behind my ear. Just a short blink toward Bobby before I looked back to the sea. The hairs on my forearm stood on end as he got closer, also observing the horizon.

"It's the most beautiful sunset since I had arrived Egypt." Bobby's words lingered in the charged air as I felt a slight touch on my ring finger. A warm prickling followed the gentle stroking. Our fingers played whimsically with each other. Then Bobby's thumb caressed the pulse point at my wrist and I was out of breath. My legs turned to jelly again and I couldn't suppress the deep moan which escaped my throat. Our palms glued to each other and we held hands.

"W…we need to talk."

I nodded agreeing, but spluttered, "I missed you so much," First tears of relief moistened my cheeks.

"God, Alex." Bobby pulled me closer, against his warm chest and bent down. All the well arranged and million times rehearsed words were gone. The flame of the hand lantern reflected in his endless eyes and then everything turned bright. My hands covered his clean shaved face and my fingers fondled his smooth cheeks. Bobby's soft lips of his hot mouth placed a tender kiss on my lips. This time there was no innocence. There was a little reservation but so much desire and passion. "We really should…"

"Now…really?"

"Oh, Alex…" I drowned in the gentle playing of our lips. Bobby smelled so familiar but tasted so prohibited. I nibbled at the corners of his mouth and groaned aroused as his hands traveled from my face to my butt, cupping it. To intensify our kiss, I burrowed my fingers in Bobby's wet hair. I pulled him closer and as his delicious tongue followed the curves of my bottom lip, I opened my mouth and we reunited completely, better than every thought and dream about it.

As air was necessary, I snuggled my red face into his strong ribcage, tasting his warm skin. I pressed my body as close as possible against Bobby's, couldn't name where he ended and I began.

"We really need to talk," Bobby purred a little out of breath. I nodded. "I d…didn't want to disturb the mood, Alex," he murmured, and Bobby's fingertips moved along my spine, "but what's going on with Brian?" He held me by my shoulders and looked into my eyes, waiting.

"It's over."

"Good," he breathed relieved.

"Since March, eleventh." I lowered my gaze.

"Your wedding anniversary?"

I nodded and turned around, snuggled against Bobby's large frame and pulled his arms around my waist. He laid his chin on my head and we enjoyed together the amazing view of the purple sky.

"How?"

"To make a long story short, we were not going in the same direction. I had the feeling that I just gave and gave and gave and he didn't listen to anything in return. Brian wanted children and my mind and body only screamed 'not with him'."

Bobby stroked my bare arms to comfort me.

"Brian didn't fight for our relationship. In the end it was an ugly break up."

"I know how much he supported you and how much comfort he provided to you," Bobby cleared his throat, "when our partnership…was on a knife's edge." He placed a feathery kiss on the top of my head.

"Yes…" I paused, "…but that is over." I tilted my head and smiled, biting my lips slightly. Bobby understood and pressed again his lips on mine.

"I'm so happy that you came to Africa to pick me up. I was so worried, that after the last letter I wrote to you…"

"The love letter," I sighed, and Bobby blushed, "The most beautiful letter I have ever received."

"Beside my confession, which was a huge relief," Bobby said, "I was full of fear that I destroyed everything we built up over all the years."

"No." I shook my head. "Nothing could ruin our friendship, even a confession of feelings. I know we had found a way to move on." I felt that the slight tension in Bobby's body disappeared. He had been carrying restrained stress since we had met. "So much has changed in the last couple of months and your letters." I sighed again. "It wasn't like the other breaks we had. You were around me the whole time. I can't explain it, but my emotions feel so good and right."

"Taking one step at a time."

I nodded and observed with fascination the strong arms around the upper part of my body. "Where have you been hiding these?"

"Uhm, what?"

I stroked his shoulders.

"It'd been a difficult time, mentally but also physically." Bobby shifted slightly and I knew that he tried to avoid eye contact. I searched for his gaze anyway. "You won't tell me much about your last months, right?" I asked quietly, and Bobby answered with a deep breath. I nodded understandingly and loosened from his embrace.

"I'm hungry. Let's eat our supper." But Bobby didn't release my hand and sadness shadowed his face. I slipped again in his soothing arms, lost in the power of his body. I got up on my toes and we kissed again. I felt Bobby relax and held him, reassured him.

"I cannot…not yet." His eyes were so far away.

"It's okay. I understand."

Bobby guided me to the table and pulled out the chair. His hands lingered longer than necessary on my shoulders. There was a careful gentleness because he was actually aware of his size and strength and the potential behind. I got a last gentle kiss behind my ear before Bobby sat down.

I took a sip of the smooth wine while Bobby cut the bread. "Tell me everything about the ATF and your new duties."


	15. On the roof

**Chapter:** 14

**Word Count:** 1844

**On the roof – around midnight**

* * *

"Would you like more tea?" Bobby whispered in my ear. How could he do this? How could he cause shivers down to my bones with such a trivial sentence? I disentangled from Bobby's lap and got up, shaking my head. Okay, maybe also sitting on his lap with his arms around me, snuggling kept me in a good mood.

I reached out for Bobby's hand. "I'm tired. Let's go to bed." But I was also able to send shivers and cause Bobby to tremble.

We gathered the plates and glasses and made a clean sweep on the roof-terrace. Slowly and thoughtful I stepped down the unfamiliar steep stairs. I reached for my luggage and wanted to vanish in the bathroom, but Bobby's words made me pause.

"Should I take the couch?" He asked uncertainly. I felt the little shock in my cheeks, First this cold shiver and then followed by burning, but I couldn't hide the growing smile on my lips. To be honest I thought half the evening about this topic but couldn't find a solution. But with the direct confrontation I knew what I wanted.

"I want to spend the night in your arms, Bobby," I confessed, and glanced upward toward him. I could see how Bobby's breath caught.

"Okay." He nodded and lowered his gaze. What would I give to read his mind now?

I brushed my teeth and my hair and took a quick shower to wash away the dust of the day. After toweling, I slipped inside the creamy chiffon negligee and the matching hipster panties I had bought in early April to treat myself after the break up with Brian and the awareness of my new feelings for Bobby. I loved A. W. Kaufman Lingerie, the little independent underwear and intimates shop in the Lower East Side I had discovered years ago. They had an amazing assortment and great consultants. The garment floated like silky water down my body. The slightly translucent negligee with the frilly hemlines was on the one hand kittenish but on the other hand, with the slit over the right thigh sexy and alluring.

The fabric swished quietly as I walked slowly from the bath to the bedroom. I passed a mirror and took a last look: acceptable.

Bobby was already in the big bed. He sat upright at the left side, his feet in the comfy looking blanked. The small room was dimly light with a few big candles and the atmosphere was crackling with exciting anticipation. I walked sensually to 'my side' of the bed, swinging my hips slightly. I knew that Bobby followed every one of my movements mindfully even through his eyes were obscured by shadows. I could tell he was short of breath.

"First your firm bottom in these pants and now your perfect body not really hidden in silk…are you trying to kill me, Eames?" Bobby gasped.

I felt my blush and my knee-jerk reaction of touching my throat, gave away my nervousness to my partner. Bobby got up on his knees and crawled to my side of the bed. He sat down his legs and looked deeply in my eyes. Now Bobby and I were on the same height. What an unusual situation.

"I don't know what…" I swallowed heavily. I couldn't tell where this insecurity now was coming from. Bobby swept his fingertips over my arms and shoulders, tried to catch the dancing shadows on my skin. He made it so easy for me to relax. He stroked my back and rested his hands on my hips, felt the smoothness of the silk.

"Come to bed. Everything will be easy. I promise."

I crawled into the bed. Now I had as usual to look up at him. Bobby gazed down at me. He stroked two long stands of hair which had fallen in my face - hiding me a little from the world - over my shoulders and his soft lips linked with my neck. My whole body began to tremble. I wrapped my arms around him and he laid me carefully down the sheets. Unbelievable how much I missed deep embraces with a man, missed the closeness which was created. I nestled languorously against Bobby, pressed my nose into his collar bone, drunk from the scent. It really was easy. We kissed and touched a little longer, exploring each other tenderly without breaking the fine line between cuddling and foreplay. The time of full passion would come much too quickly and we wanted to enjoy – without speaking – the initial phase a little longer. "Ready to spend the night in my arms?" Bobby repeated my words.

"I am."

"Because when I keep on sucking at your tongue…" Bobby cleared his throat.

"I know. I'm hot as well."

"Shhhhh! Don't say it out loud, or I can't hold back." We both laughed softly.

I turned on my side and Bobby snuggled close behind, wrapping me in his heat.

"I need you so much, Alex. I've wanted you for so long. Did you know?" Bobby whispered as the last candle died, and the small room sank into darkness. He pulled me even closer to his body and I could feel safety radiating off his body.

"Yes," I answered with reserve. "I…I felt it, your longing a few times, but I had to be strong. One of us had to be strong. I couldn't lose you, loose our partner- and friendship. It'd been my most important constant over the last years. If I had let it happen, a wild and senseless night. I wasn't ready to risk everything and the price we would have paid would have been much too high."

"I'm so happy that you changed your mind." Bobby kissed my cheek.

"Yes, me too. Now the time is right. I'm certain and I know now neither one of us would regret something, the morning after. I can't wait to explore the new levels of our relationship with you."

"Me neither." Bobby rolled on his back and became quiet. I thought it would be difficult to share a bed again with someone else. In the last months I had gotten used to lot of room in bed. I turned around and rested my head on Bobby's chest. I took a last glance through the roof light to the blinking stars before I closed my eyes and felt asleep.

**Morning sun through dirty glass – Friday April, 30****th**

Dish clattering and the scent of hot strong coffee woke me. But I didn't want that wonderful night to end. So I pressed my face again into the soft pillow and enjoyed the warm sunbeams on my naked legs. Most of my negligee was draped around my waist. I lay in the middle of the bed and couldn't feel Bobby anywhere. The chattering stopped. I turned my head sleepily and could see from the corner of my eyes that Bobby was leaning in the doorframe. He had the breakfast tray with the steaming coffee in his hands – his gaze on my sunlit butt.

"How long have you been checking my ass?" I murmured, and sprawled even more lasciviously.

"Not that long," he set the tray on the dresser and sneaked closer, "but long enough that I could get use to it and never get bored seeing it. Why have I never noticed those legs?"

"In the most cases I hid them with pants," I wanted to tease but ended up screaming the last words because Bobby tickled me from my calves to the hollow of my knees. I rolled around, to get away from his nimble fingers. But he followed me under the sheets, pressed gently his lips on mine to wish me a good morning. I also could get use to this.

Like in my last lazy Saturday dreams Bobby fed me between kisses with sweet pastries and grapes. We had no newspaper to share, but to snuggle against my partner, his arms around me made up for this little inaccuracy.

We had so much fun and laughed so much that I made a mess with the Danish filling. The jelly dripped slowly on my cleavage and slipped deeper. Bobby took my cup of coffee and placed it beside on the night stand. He followed the gluey trail down with his lips and tongue.

My breath quickened but I didn't stop Bobby. Carefully he pulled down the negligee, slipped the neckline over my breasts. I couldn't stand his hot lips on my glowing skin and moaned loudly. Bobby lapped smacking the sweet filling and then fixed me with his penetrative eyes. I didn't nod, but my sensual lip licking gave the starting signal.

Bobby sank his face down my chest again and nipped slowly up my breasts. Before he reached the tip of my mounds, he turned and began a slow circle around my nipple. I swore that I stopped breathing. I just remembered how his nose, lips and tongue danced against my skin. He knew how to play my body so that I vibrated like a plucked violin string.

I couldn't describe what I felt as Bobby finally took my erect nipple between his lips and sucked me tenderly, and then a little wilder and then again really gently before he switched to the other breast and started anew. Also his fingertips felt phenomenal as they played with the sensitive little nub or stroked my exposed throat and belly.

I pressed my head in the pillows, just enjoying, but with my hands I could reach Bobby's back and shoulders to caress him.

Bobby answered my deep groaning with fierce sighing.

"Is it good for you?" I could hardly speak.

"I'm in heaven." Bobby moaned, and crawled back to my face before he tenderly kissed my lips.

"Really?"

"I'll never get enough of you, Alex…finally," he whispered, and nibbled at my neck. I turned on my belly to give him better access and savor the action a little more. In my ear he murmured, "How hot are you?"

"V…very. And you?"

To show me his desire, Bobby rubbed his hard erection against my butt. "Oh my…" I breathed.

"So when we want, we could?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to?"

"Yes," I agreed, but gulped.

"But?"

"Every time I…I imagine our first time."

"Yes?" Bobby kissed me between my shoulder blades.

"I…I imagine you and I…"

"Oh yes!"

"In your home, your amazing big bed."

"What a beautiful idea, we should do that." Bobby lay next to me, snuggled his long frame close mine.

"I know Alexandria is a perfect exotic place for many fabulous memories." I nearly gave in to Bobby's wishes and my vibrating crotch and straddled him. Anyhow, I tried to be strong. "Is it okay to wait?" I asked a little unsure.

"More than okay, but I need a cold shower."

I popped my chin on my palms and licked my lips sexily. "Maybe we can find a compromise and I join you under the water. Help you cool off?"

"God, Alex!"


	16. Business Class

**Chapter:** 15

**Word Count:** 1559

* * *

**Business Class – somewhere over Greenland**

I awaked from a little nap in the huge and comfortable 'earned every single dollar' business class seat and felt Bobby's eyes resting on me.

We'd had so much luck with the return flight. After another great day in Alexandria with sightseeing antiquities, Bobby had agreed to start on the homeward journey.

He had understood my concerns being back in New York in time for work on Monday. I hadn't known if we had managed to get a 'short' flight or a long one. We had visited the airport Friday afternoon and were able to book a flight for early Saturday. The night had been short but very romantic and naked, but not...

…we held out for my Bobby's Big Bed plan.

For the little hop to Cairo we didn't get seats together, but did on the Paris segment. I had spent most of this sleeping, awakened only by Bobby's painful groans because of the small seats and the cramped legroom. I had tried to ease his tensions with gentle neck and scalp massages, but the four and a half hours had been torture for him.

Because we had had a stopover in the City of Love of over five hours we used the opportunity for an upgrade. I hadn't known if Bobby would survive nine more hours in economy class. The plane to JFK had been only half full and therefore we got the upgrade for a decent price.

Rubbing my sleepy face I returned Bobby's look and smiled. There were so many emotions in Bobby's eyes. Emotions I had never seen during our partnership. When had this change happened? I couldn't totally believe everything yet. I took his hand and kissed his palm. Then I dared to say, "And I thought all these years that I wasn't your type."

"Why?" Bobby asked perplex and stroked my chin. "I like independent and strong women who know what they want. That describes you perfectly."

I knew that I blushed, but Bobby's lovely face soothed me. He lowered his back rest to move closer and bent over me. Softly Bobby laid his lips against mine and kissed me tenderly.

"And you're hot. I get the full package."

We both laughed and snuggled a little longer under the thick blankets. I didn't know how my hand got lost in Bobby's pockets. But I stumbled across a smooth little wrapping and produced a square condom packing.

Now Bobby was the one who get beet red and tried to explain while stumbling over his own words. I started to giggle and was really curious about his explanation, knowing too well that the condom hadn't been in his pants Thursday night.

"Where did you get this?"

"Uhm..."

"And why?" I still giggled.

"I…I…I got it from a vending machine in the men's room in Charles de Gaulle. We booked the better seats and I wanted to be prepared when you decided to..."

"What?" I asked a little puzzled.

"…join the mile high club." Bobby gulped the last words.

I started laughing uncontrolled. "Were you ever in an aircraft lavatory?" I snorted.

He nodded and looked around to see if someone could overhear us.

"Do you believe we could fit together inside?

Bobby shrugged his shoulders.

"And move?"

"But at least with one part we would share your body. Maybe then we would fit?" Bobby breathed quietly in my ear, and I felt that warm billows of lust waft through my abdomen.

"Oh my," I gasped. "Bobby!" And slapped playfully his chest.

"Something so dirty out of your mouth?" I was amusedly appalled.

"Don't say you don't want me that way," he murmured. "Yesterday night you were crazy about my words while I…"

"Shhh," I covered his mouth with my hand. "Maybe…" I whispered, and rubbed my nose against his neck. "But we don't need this." I put the condom back in his pocket and curled my lips. "I'm safe and on the pill." I jumped up and walked toward the small bathroom. But Bobby didn't follow me. He needed a little time to handle the shock, to process the information and what it would mean for him…us, when finally entering his bedroom.

**In front of Bobby's apartment – Saturday night May, 1****st**

I looked back to the anthracite dream of a car. Sadly, this was our last solo spin.

Liz had picked up Bobby and me at the airport. First she had driven to Brooklyn to take Bobby to his apartment and then she had brought me to Forest Hills. At home I had taken a quick shower and creamed my full body with a decent but mellifluous lotion. In addition I had packed a little bag, so I could leave for work on Monday from Bobby's home. Inside the luggage was no nightgown. I wouldn't need it, I thought dirtily and blushed.

Before unlocking Bobby's door I waited till my face settled to its normal color. Was that really true? Had these last five days really happened? Everything felt so unreal. Everything had changed…changed for the better. I was so relieved.

The hall and kitchen were dark. I put my bag beside the door and slipped out of my shoes and jacket. In the last months I had become familiar with Bobby's home. I walked down the hall without needing to switch on the lights. I found Bobby in the middle of his living room. He sat cross-legged in simple slacks and a dark tee down the floor, surrounded by numerous job offer letters. He looked desperate with the tousled hair.

"Hey!" I said, as I got closer, but couldn't fight back the grin. I bent down to give Bobby a soft peck on his lips, but he reached around my waist to pull me down the carpet in a deep and sensual kiss. "I read your letter," he murmured in my mouth, and even deepened the kiss. "Alex, you feel like home, too. God, I can't get my mind off you."

I blushed again. Yes, it was true. We had risked everything and got the first prize. "Thanks for being so brave, Bobby," I whispered in his ear and kissed his neck. Slowly and tenderly I moved my lips over this special point behind his earlobe until his skin reacted. Nibbled at the spot that weakened both of us so much. I found out very quickly that Bobby loved my breath and lips on this area of his skin and I loved to nibble at his neck, wanted him to feel good.

"Brave?" Bobby asked puzzled, and a little distracted because of my nibbling.

I only sighed deeply and placed my hand against his chest over his heart. Bobby smiled warmly down me and stroked my face.

"Yes," he answered, and took one of the letters. "How did you manage all of this?"

With a warm smile I answered, "First, I didn't get so many offers and second I didn't have to handle them all together. They came day after day…like yours."

"Maybe," Bobby mumbled.

"I know you'll manage it. You're a clever boy." I teased Bobby, but to get serious again I added, "You'll make the right choice. I'm certain."

Bobby looked up from the letter from the DEA with these boyish puppy eyes, but then his gaze switched and got adult, very adult and devilish. "The ficus looks amazing."

"I know."

"And you cleaned everything."

"Right."

"Changed the sheets."

My gaze flew to the open bedroom door and I nodded. Bobby crawled over me, pinned me down the floor. "I…I spent one night in your bed…"

"A-ha!"

"…and my mom raised me to change the sheets after sleeping in someone else bed."

"What a good daughter you are." He fixed my arms over my head. There was no escape, but who wanted to escape? "Really, really good." Bobby sank his frame carefully down on mine to kiss me very deep. With his soft lips and his playful tongue he took my breath, he took my clear mind and my free will. He took everything. I noted that my body wrapped automatically around his. With my legs hopelessly around his waist and my hands burrowed deep in his hair. There formed a guttural moan in my throat which vibrated my entire me. Bobby's response didn't take long in coming.

I noted that he first tensed a little and tried to hide his physical reaction, but as I pressed him even closer with my thighs and arms he gave in and rubbed his desire along my lust center

"Dear Bobby, I want to feel you, only you," I groaned. "Without anything between us."

A jerk hit Bobby's body. He knew exactly what I meant. "You didn't meet any desert beauty, did you?" I asked reserved.

He shook his head. "There were only ugly camel drivers."

"It's weird, but that makes me even hotter. Oh, Bobby…" He waited for me.

"S…should we fulfill a few fantasies?"

I could only nod.

Bobby lifted himself a little reluctantly off my body and got shakily up on his knees. In a smooth motion he wrapped me in an embrace, "You feel so amazing right in my arms." and carried me toward his bedroom. We both knew that we wouldn't be leaving his big bed before our dreams and endless imaginations became reality.


	17. Epilogue

**Word Count:** 624

* * *

**Epilogue**

**At Bobby's apartment – Thursday July, 1****st**

"You're looking phenomenal in that uniform, officer," I said with a wink, and Bobby cleared his throat with amusement. I touched the new insignia at his collar. I was so proud. Also my Christmas gift fit perfectly with his ensemble. The whole day had been so busy and this was the first time we were alone.

A few obligatory appointments followed Bobby's first day on duty. First there had been his official initiation on a big stage. I had grinned the whole time during the flower ceremony while Bobby had looked grumpy. He never felt comfortable at big events, when he wasn't the puppeteer. After the hoopla Bobby's boss invited us for dinner. Bobby's junior partner and his wife had also joined. We chatted informally in this little circle and had much fun. Tomorrow would start their difficult work. I was relieved because I had seen that Bobby, Carl Rivers and Marvin Brooks clicked. I crossed my fingers that they succeed with good team work.

"I think you made the best choice," I said happily. "Your team looks good…" My voice changed. Also Bobby heard it and stopped to loosen his tie. He just raised one eyebrow. "It's difficult to see you with new partners," I confessed.

Gently he took my golden cross between his fingertips and stroked a loosen strand behind my ear. "It's surreal that we won't work together anymore. Do you remember how I felt after picking you up last month from Melville and I saw you in the circle of your team?"

I nodded. This was something we both had to learn.

"But maybe we can change something so these things don't hurt so much," Bobby suggested, and pulled me down with him onto the couch of his living room.

"I need to ask you something," he said, and took my hands in his.

I was a little concerned because he looked so serious and swayed nervously back and forth. Something must have been agitating him over the last few days.

_No ring, no ring, no ring_, screamed my mind. That would be much too early. I noted that I held my breath and gasped excitedly for air.

"No, God no, this is not a proposal."

I sighed relieved and we both laughed.

"I don't want to spend one more night without you by my side, Alex."

I smiled. "How many nights over the last two months we haven't share one bed?"

"Four or five," Bobby admitted. "But even these few were too much and now with my job..."

I nodded. Maybe the organization would get a little bit more complicated, but to drive from Forest Hills or Greenpoint to the ATF was just a ten minute difference.

"Did I tell you about the old couple in my house? The Stern's who live in the duplex apartment of the top most floor," Bobby said.

"Yes, I remember them."

"Mr. Stern is having a hip joint surgery next months."

"Oh!" I frowned, still not getting what Bobby wanted to tell me.

"I really love your house," he stated. "I feel home."

"But…?"

"I…I don't want to leave my neighborhood."

"Okay." It began to dawn. "Do you want to…?"

"Let's move in together, Alex," Bobby spluttered. "The Sterns asked to change apartments with them. Their children are grown up and the steep stairs are more and more difficult for them. They would take my small first floor apartment and I…we could have the big one, creating a new home for us."

"So all plans are done," I said amused. Bobby nodded guiltily.

"I've moved the last years so often. I don't care where I live, Bobby. I only want to be with you."

**The End**

* * *

Thanks so much for staying with me and reading Alexandria, my vision of a post Loyalty time. Not in my wildest dreams I imagined so much positive response on that story. The honor feels so good after all the months of work. I never did so many researches for a fanfiction but the result is impressive. Special thanks go to all the people who left me a few words and I want to thank again my cimusings girls who helped me so much during the creative process.

I'll polish my next story now and will definitely publish it before May 1st. [It's unbelievable that we'll get them back. Eight more new cases with Bobby and Alex!] Because I didn't wrote M in a very long time, the whole story is sensual.

Stay tuned and we'll read us, Antje.


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